Regret
by LionshadeSC
Summary: A shaken Nora returns from Nuka-World after completing the Open Season quest. Her mind flashes with images of how many she's killed, and of the murder to someone she called a best friend. Her soul aches, and she goes to reliable Nick Valentine for support, but even she doesn't know if he will forgive her for what she's done. oneshot, F!SS, spoilers for Open Season Quest


Nuka-World

The door to the detective's office opened slowly with a loud creaking noise. Nora slipped in quietly, her gaze unfocused, her mind a tumble of thoughts.

The two people in the agency looked up in surprise, and Nick was the one to hurry towards her with a panicked gleam in his glowing yellow eyes. "Nora!" he called, moving close so he could grab her shoulders with firm hands. He placed his semi-formed hand gently along the right side of her face, his eyes flitting over her quickly as if to ensure she was in one piece. "Haven't heard any report of you for _weeks_!" Panic edged through his voice as he looked over her frantically. "Was almost considering hiring myself to come after ya. Where have you been?"

Nora's response was sluggish, even under the protective frown of the detective. Her mouth struggled to form the words, and she stuttered out, "Nic-Nick, I. . ." her voice cut off as her lips trembled, her word caught in her throat as she gasped for breath. Her hands reached up to grab his wrists, and she tightened her hold on them slightly. "I-I killed them. I killed them all."

At her blank explanation, Nick looked worriedly from Nora to his secretary, Ellie. The clever young woman moved immediately, standing to give her seat to Nora while she busied herself with some spare paper and a pen. With the gentlest of hands, Nick guided Nora to the chair. She sat down, her hands trembling against her thighs. Ever the observant detective, Nick held her hands in his own like they were made of the finest-spun glass. In one smooth movement, he knelt down so he was in front of her, his head tilted up to look at her face. "Killed who, Nora? Tell me what happened."

Her mind was a flurry of images and sounds and faces from where she had visited, and the blood rushed out of her face, making her feel dizzy as she said quietly. "Nuka-World."

Nick didn't prompt her, didn't need to, because as soon as she said it, the words spilled from her mouth like a bursting dam. She explained how she heard the radio on her Pip-boy, and after hearing about a man's endangered son and wife, she couldn't just stay away. Nick's mechanical chest swelled with an emotion he couldn't name, and he marveled at Nora's ever-extending kindness.

She kept talking, fumbling through her words as fast as she could while Ellie took notes, her pencil flying across the paper. Nora kept going through her account of Nuka-World, picturing the Gauntlet, feeling the cold fear of wondering at who could be so twisted as to make someone go through an obstacle course of danger. She stuttered a little as flashbacks flipped through her mind's eye like a picture book, but Nick's thumb slowly circling over her hand grounded her back to reality. She focused on it, watching his synthetic skin move in comforting circles.

She thought of Gage.

Her breath caught in a hiccup as she forced back a sob. "Th-there was a man there, a raider. He-he helped me- helped me win the gauntlet. He-" the sob finally built through her throat, and she took in a shuddering breath. "His name was Gage. We-I mean, I- we were. . ."

Nick's perceptive golden eyes focused deeply on her, and he placed his metal hand over her own. He observed it before murmuring, "He fell under your spell, didn't he?"

Blinking away tears, Nora's face formed a grimace as she nodded. The crystal drops slid down her face, making trails through her dust-covered skin that left a salty residue. "We became _friends_ ," she admit in awe. "He-he _trusted_ me. I never expected to be friends with him, never thought it would work out, but- but he honestly cared about me, thought I would do good by him and his people."

Nick tilted his head up to look at her sadly, but he couldn't help the chuckle as he bent his head to hide his smile. "Wouldn't expect anything less from a charmer such as yourself," he murmured.

She looked at him, smiling tearfully. She couldn't hold it, though, and the corners of her mouth turned down again as she ducked her head at the thought of Porter Gage. "I was his best friend, Nick," she whispered. "His _best friend_." More tears slid down her face.

Sure, in the beginning she had doubts about taking him along as a companion; she was afraid of not doing right by him, afraid that they wouldn't get along, that they were just too different. They had differing ideals, for one.

Y'know, like believing human enslavement is wrong. Little things like that.

Nora had no expectation that they would get along, and while Gage didn't totally agree with her gentler methods, it was to be expected when choosing a new Overboss with literally _no_ experience as a raider. It would have been unfair of him to assume she would make a one-eighty in personality and suddenly become a hard-ass, but Gage knew that she could still be one when necessary. When the raiders or leaders of the gangs tried to pull a fast one on her, she wouldn't take any of it lying down. Gage would watch as she fought back with that sharp tongue of hers, her eyes alight with a kind of determined fire that were known to few.

But while Nora lacked the raw viscous nature required of a raider, she made up for it with her skills.

Gage especially admired her for her more precise skills like lock-picking, and he loved her tenacity when it came to bringing greater strength to the gangs as she cleared the parks one by one. Sure, she made a few enemies along the way, but hell, for her first time as an Overboss of a league of raiders, she did pretty well. Gage admired her for her flexibility to adjust to a situation totally new to her. Though, it wasn't like Nora was new to delegating people below her (General of the Minutemen, assigned dictator of the Institute, Paladin of the Brotherhood, and Agent of the Railroad), but it was still a new role she wasn't used to.

And damn it all, if Nora didn't care about Gage for his own qualities, too.

He was sarcastic (a kind of humor she could get behind), and while rough around the edges, Nora knew Gage generally cared about the raiders thriving in the park.

Nick's voice softened further, so it was almost a whisper. It jarred Nora from her thoughts, and she gazed at Nick, tuned to his gentleness as he asked, "What was he like?"

Nora's lips curved into a partial smile at the question, and she was certain Nick didn't miss the flash of grief that passed over her face. "He was loyal, Nick. Loyal to his way of life. Loyal to people who did right by him. . . Loyal to me." She sighed out softly, and with her free hand, wiped away the tear trails. "He wasn't charismatic like you, Nick. Couldn't talk his way out of anything." Gage would often fumble with his own words, especially when Nora said anything about him being a good friend. His face would go all red and he'd bluster that they should stop talking about "sentimental stuff." Nora released a shaky breath, "He made up for it, though, in how smart he was." The man may not have been gifted with a silver tongue, but he was able to get the raider leaders of all three gangs to converge together and form a plan that would take their incompetent leader out of the picture. Gage had more than just common sense; he could look at a situation for what it was, assess it, and predict the outcome with chilling accuracy. In this way, he reminded Nora of Nick.

"He doesn't - didn't trust anyone, not really," she went on quietly, "but he trusted me. He trusted me after years of not trusting anyone. Thought I was the hope for all of raider-kind," She slid her hand up to cover her mouth as she choked back another sob. She swallowed the ball of grief, and turned her palm up so she could clasp Nick's tightly like he was her last life-line keeping her centered. Her body bowed forward, her free arm clenched around her stomach as she fought back another sob.

She could feel Nick's uncertainty. "Are you sure about that, doll? I mean, raiders aren't usually known for their sensitive-"

" _Nick,"_ she emphasized his name, the tone of her voice low and heavy with solemnity. Nick jerked his head up to match her gaze, and his uncertainty shriveled under the harsh gleam in her eyes. "I _know_ he trusted me."

In acceptance, Nick bowed his head, and continued to listen. "Sorry, doll," he apologized, and she squeezed his hand gently in acceptance so he knew no harm was done.

"He was so smart, Nick, _so_ smart." Gage _had_ been smart, smart enough to know not to ever trust raiders, to know that raiders would never put others before their own needs. Smart enough to see that Colter was a problem that needed to be fixed, smart enough to keep his eyes on the big picture when it came to Nuka-World, smart enough to place himself above the petty squabbles of raider gangs.

Yeah, Gage was smart.

But not smart enough.

Not smart enough to realize that Nora would _never_ compromise the safety of the innocents of the Commonwealth, even if it meant the destruction of their friendship.

At her mournful and drawn-out silence, Nick's soothing voice reeled her back in, "What happened, doll?"

She tried to breathe in, but her voice choked as she finally started, "They were going to move into the Commonwealth, Nick. They-they wanted me to kick out an entire settlement of people, like they didn't matter at all. I-I couldn't do it anymore. I-" her words hitched on a sob. "I killed them." Nick's hand tightened over hers. "All of them. Every last one." Her face wrenched with grief, "And- and Gage- Gage is-"

Nick moved so suddenly as he pulled the Survivor towards him and into his embrace. For a moment, Nora was frozen, unsure of what to do, but the hesitancy passed as quickly as it came, and she wilted into the thick folds of his trench coat. His arms wrapped around her torso, one hand tightened into a fist against her back, the other rubbing soft circles into her shoulder blade. Nora wiggled closer to Nick, craving the closeness he offered as she weaseled her arms into the opening of his trench coat so she could curl her arms against his chest.

"I'm sorry, doll, I'm so sorry," Nick rumbled, resting his chin atop her head as he tightened his hold on her. "I can't imagine. . . nothing could be so terrible.

Nora finally let go, she let it all go. The choking grief built up in her after holding it all in broke and spilled out as she shook in Nick's arms. She started sobbing, heavy, racking, and ugly sobs that took control of her whole body, rendering her incapable of coherent thought.

Nick was perfect in that way of his, and he contented himself to just hold her and offer what comfort he could provide. He soothed her with whispers in her ear, drawing his hand up and down her back. "You did what you thought was right," he said. "There was nothing more you could have done."

Her breathing hitched from a sob, and she shook as she struggled to take air into her lungs. "I just don't know what to do, Nick, I don't know what to do. . ."

His synthetic heart broke for her. "You're gonna keep going forward. You're gonna fight past this, and you're going to be stronger because of it."

Nora trembled in his embrace. "I don't know if I can."

Nick pulled her closer to him in a tight embrace, and he offered what reassurance he could. "You will," he murmured. "You will."


End file.
